“Empathy is listening with you own heart to another’s heart” Stephen Covey

Doctor and author of “Empathy: can it be taught?”, Frederic Platt outlined 6 steps for doctors interested in using empathy to improve their bedside manner. I have adapted used and taught them in many sales training courses over the years.

1. Recognise the presence of emotion (Fear, anger, frustration, disappointment)

2. Pause and imagine how the customer might be feeling

3. State your perception of the customers feeling (i.e. "I can imagine that must be..." or "It sounds like you're upset about...")

4. Legitimising that feeling - Allowing the customer to feel the way they feel

5. Respecting the customer’s effort to cope with the situation

6. Offer support and partnership (i.e., "I'm committed to work with you to find a solution..." or "Let's see what we can do…”

Let’s review and apply this same process to one of the empathy vignettes from yesterday so you can see the process in action.

“I can tell you really want them. They really do look fabulous.” Rita fed back sincerely to the customer. (1- Recognise the presence of emotion; 2- Pause and imagine how the customer might be feeling; 3- State your perception of the customers feeling)

“Yeh! They do look great and feel really good too; I’m just concerned about the price. Is there anything you can do for me to bring the price down a notch?” the customer replied. “I get that you’re frustrated, especially as they just fit so well” Rita put forward. “It’s hard enough trying to find something you like, and something that fit’s as well, and then to find that it’s out of your price range?” (4- Legitimising that feeling; 5- Respecting the customer’s effort to cope)

She continued, “Look I can’t promise you a discount, but what about if I go have a quick word with my manager and see what he says. If I can arrange something did you want to take them?” (6- Offer support and partnership) The customer smiled faintly and nodded appreciatively.

Now review the vignette below and see if you can pick the steps:-

“It’s ridiculous to pay these prices when he would have out grown them by the end of the season” she complained. “I agree,” Eric replied, fastening the football boot on the youngsters left foot. “It does seem crazy to spend so much when as you say he will only get a season out of them. Would you rather I showed you something less expensive?” “What would the quality be like though?” asked the anxious mother. “I can appreciate your concern.” Eric answered “The quality is ok, my worry would be more around width” he continued “This young man has as you know a really wide foot and the less expensive boots will most likely be too narrow which could create blistering.” “Well I guess then we’ll just have to bite the bullet then won’t we,” the customer said patting her son’s shoulder

The key is to take the 6 steps onto the shop floor and practice them there. Do empathy with your customers and watch how they open up to you. Then take the technique home and strengthen your personal relationships by “doing empathy” with those people who are important to you in your life.