“To be interesting be interested” Dale Carnegie

It was Christmas Eve. It had been a long and busy day working in the store supporting the team in the final rush before closing for the holiday. I was driving home about 9 PM, tired but content with 3 weeks vacation ahead of me. In my car cassette player I had been listening to Dale Carnegie’s book on tape, “How to win friends and influence people.” The tape happened to be discussing “An easy way to become a good conversationalist.” In it the author was saying how people are 100 times more interested in themselves and their problems and wants than they are in you and your problems. In fact he even went as far as saying that “a person’s tooth-ache means more to that person than a famine which kills a million people in China!” Mr. Carnegie then went on to say that in order to be interesting we must be interested.

When I got home my wife told me that we had been invited to our next-door neighbors for “drinkies” and tree lighting. This as you may well imagine after a full-on day working on the shop floor was the last thing I felt like doing. Our neighbors were retiree’s and most of the guests that night were in the same age bracket. As I walked down the driveway heading for their house I decided to put Dale Carnegie’s principles of being a good conversationalist into effect. I decided that all I would do is just ask questions about the people I found myself with. Boy what a great evening that turned out to be. I remember speaking to one gentleman who before retiring had been an Orthopaedic surgeon. I asked him what it took to be a success in his field. Was that an eye opener? That night I spoke to a retired architect and a marine biologist amongst other interesting people. All I did once I had been introduced was ask questions. How did they come to know our neighbours? What did they do before retirement? What did it take to be successful in their field? What did they believe success was? One fascinating man told me that his greatest success had been getting his 3 daughters through their teenage years, through university and into good jobs without them falling prey to drug addiction or early pregnancy. I thoroughly enjoyed myself that night and learned a lot. The next day I was in the garden and my neighbour approached the fence and asked incredulously, “Ian, what did you say to all my friends last night?” “What do you mean?” I replied cautiously not knowing what to expect. “Well” she continued, “After you left last night every one was raving about you saying what an interesting man you were!”

Wow! What a ‘light bulb moment” what amazed me most was that other than me telling her guests my name and the name of the retail company I worked for all I did was ask them about them and their most favourite subject… themselves! So the lesson for today is - find ways to “be interested rather than interesting!”