“Since everything is but an apparition, perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may as well burst out into laughter” long Chen Pa

“I hate being pushy and I hate pushy sales people!” Oscar blurted, during one of my training sessions. “I know that when I go shopping I just want to be left alone and not bothered by sales people. My attitude is that if I want help I will ask for it “ he continued as he struggled with the whole concept of proactively approaching customers.

There are many ideas and concepts that are illustrated in this blog, tools and tactics used by the best people in retail that you too might find too “pushy” to use. Lets try to understand what is really going on here rather than simply saying, “Well I couldn’t do that!”

Over the many years that I have trained sales people I have heard this and other objections to using particular techniques many times before. The resistant feelings that Oscar and many others, myself included, have are quite normal. When confronted with anything that will take one out of one’s comfort zone, there is resistance. An internal pull back, a closing of the mind and a weakening of the heart.

It is important to understand that the “Well I couldn’t do that! “response is a natural “shut down” to extending your current comfort zone. Leaving the comfort zone, and trying something new for some people is perceived as extremely challenging and can be stressful, whereas for others leaving their comfort zone is interpreted as “adventure!” How do you perceive it?

There as no easy answers for those of you readers who struggle with this issue. Stepping out of the “Comfort zone” and into the “Learning zone” means coming to terms and having the courage to a) overcome the fear of rejection and b) being able to persist long enough until you have learned what works for you and what doesn’t. Until you have developed the skill and stretched the old Comfort zone boundary into a new comfort zone. By the way stretch your wings gently at first until you’ve increased in confidence

A) Overcoming the fear of rejection

Selling means that you have to be able to take rejection on the chin and still maintain a positive attitude, this is a lot easier said than done. If handling rejection was simply an intellectual exercise, you could be rallied with a simple pep talk.

Even though intellectually you know that it is not you that is being rejected, but the product, you still take the “No” personally. You still take the no to heart. Dealing with rejection is both a matter of understanding how to deal with it mentally, as well as conquering the fear emotionally.

“No!” was one of the first words we ever learned. For many of us the word “No!” was followed by pain, either physical or emotional or both, and over the years we have linked up that no means pain.

There is another strong negative association that many of us have been taught during our formative years growing up around the N word. The majority of you reading this blog were most likely not bought up in a home where everything you asked for you received. This means that, like most kids, you asked Mum and Dad for many things and were told “No!” you can’t have them. Over time we learned that asking for what we wanted meant “No!” so we stopped asking, thereby avoiding hearing the N word and reinforcing the connection between no and rejection.

The key to understanding intellectually how to overcome the fear of rejection in the selling is to begin to remove the connection between “No” and our feeling rejected. In speaking with many successful sales professionals over the years, what is apparent is that they have developed a number of mental strategies to the “N” word. One of the most powerful is that, they have disconnected their expectation of how things should be, from the result.

A Zen proverb puts it this way, “Without treasured expectations there can be no burglary”. Author Iyanla Van Zandt has this to say about expectation,” Doubt is bred in the mental state of attachment to an emotional investment in the outcome” Think about it. Why do we get upset when we don’t hear what we want to hear (and in selling we want to hear “Yes!”)? Why do we get disappointed when we get turned down? It’s because we have built an attachment to the outcome or expected result. In selling this means that we want to make a sale to make our sales quota, or win a competition or, in some cases, even hold onto our job. It is this very same attachment to outcome that creates the emotional stress when our offer is rejected. Over time the negative emotion builds and pretty soon it is the fear that is in control. So the first strategy to conquering the fear of rejection is to let go of any expectations that you have about the customer and the potential sale you may or may not make. Focus on that which you can control, not that which you can’t. You can only control the asking not the response!

Here are 7 golden nuggets to guide you when the going gets tough

1. Don't Quit When things go wrong, as they sometimes will; When the road you're trudging seems all-uphill; When the funds are low, and the debts are high And you want to smile, but have to sigh; When care is pressing you down a bit- Rest if you must, but do not quit. Success is failure turned inside out; The silver tint of the clouds of doubt; And you can never tell how close you are It may be near when it seems so far; So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit- It's when things go wrong that you must not quit. Author Unknown

2. If you must play, decide upon three things at the start: the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time. -Chinese Proverb

3. Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And, years later tell how they stood for hours in the cold rain just to catch a glimpse of the one who taught them to hold on a second longer. I believe there's a hero in all of us who keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams. http://www.quoteland.com/author.asp?AUTHOR_ID=1092   Spider-Man 2  

4. If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone, and so hold on when there is nothing in you except the will which says to them: 'Hold on!'" -Rudyard Kipling http://www.quoteland.com/tellafriend/index.asp?QUOTE_ID=1095

5. "Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit." http://www.quoteland.com/tellafriend/index.asp?QUOTE_ID=2206 Napoleon Hill

6. “Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you stop pedalling” -Claude Pepper

7. The only time one runs out of chances is when one quits taking them - Chicago Hope