“Our success, if not our very survival, hinges on consciously creating an environment that unconsciously speaks trust.” TEC Speaker Stephanie Shipper.
If you asked most people how to establish rapport with another person, they will tell you that to do so they need to find something in common with them. To have something in common is defined as “sharing equally with another or others”.
We have been taught that in order to identify something in common with another person, we need to ask them questions about themselves and compare their answers with our own experiences. Questions about, their likes and dislikes, background etc. until “SNAP!” They like what we like, or they know someone we know. Then we use that “match” as a springboard to developing the relationship further.
Whilst this is the most well know method of establishing rapport it is also the most elementary. There are far more sophisticated methods, which will produce much quicker results.
To get a deeper understanding of how we as human beings “do” rapport, lets us move off the shop floor and look at the biology of the “dating scene” and observe the "courtship dance".
Scientists and anthropologists have been studying the mating rituals of mammals including the human race for many years. One of the key phases of the “wooing dance” has been called “Body synchrony”.
In 1992 Dr. Helen E. Fisher an anthropologist wrote a book titled “Anatomy of Love: The Natural History of Monogamy, Adultery, and Divorce” in which she discusses the concept of “Body synchrony”.
Dr. Fisher observed that males and females engaged in the ‘courtship ritual”, “pivot their bodies until their shoulders become aligned. With their bodies face-to-face, they begin to move in tandem.” In other words when he crosses his legs, she crosses hers, as he folds his arms she does the same. As she leans to one side, he too leans to that side, and when he runs his hands through his hair or touches his face, she touches hers. Together they move in a dance of synchrony. According to Dr. Fisher those couples that reach “total body harmony” usually leave the bar together.
It is not just we humans who use this “mirroring” mimicry as a mating / courting ritual. “Rhythmic mimicry” is common to animals, birds and insects alike. Monkeys sway together from side to side, lions circle one another, and whales sing and posture together. In their own way they all complete some form of mirroring and matching ritualistic dance to enhance rapport prior to mating.
So now let’s apply the lessons of “biological courtship” on the sales floor. No, I’m not suggesting we sing and dance and leave together with our customers. I am pointing out that Body synchrony or Rhythmic mimicry can be used as a powerful rapport building technique. In selling we call it mirroring and matching.
We can intentionally create “things in common” with our customers by matching / mirroring their physical movements including, their expressions, and body language. In other words when they fold their arms we do the same, etc.etc.
We can also mirror our customer’s voice tones, speaking speed and volume. If we use the same word choices and sentence structure as our customers, we send powerful “same as me” subconscious messages to the customer. This enhances the rapport between us.
If you think about how we tend to respond with really good friends and family members who we are close to and with whom we have a strong rapport with, isn’t it true that we think, and say and do similar things as each other?
Have you ever been that close to someone that you knew what they were about to say before they said it? In that moment you were in sync, you were in Rhythmic mimicry, a heightened state of rapport.
You now have the secret to accelerating your rapport building on the shop floor. Mirror and match your customers.
You don’t have to overdo it and mirror and match them to death. Mimic them with subtlety and with finesse. The good news is that you can’t really mess up because even if you do go a little over the top, the chances are great that the customer is so focused on their own stuff that they are unlikely to even notice.
So now go out there and “do” rapport. Have fun, experiment and watch your ability to build and sustain rapport improve with every customer contact.
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